Over the weekend, someone posted a nasty review on Sheri’s forum about a woman who works here (a lovely, conscientious young woman). Although we alerted the Evil Blog Master to this, he left it up. He must be busy ruling other parts of the world.
There are many reasons why a party at Sheri’s might end before the agreed upon time.
- The customer did something they hadn’t agreed to.
- He put his tongue in her mouth.
- He put his un-gloved finger in her vagina.
- He put his un-gloved finger in her rectum.
- He tried to take the condom off.
- He did take the condom off.
- He got rough (Sheri’s is crawling with security. All a woman has to do is press the panic button, and a security officer will be there within seconds to take the person out of the room).
- He pushed her.
- He slapped her.
- He pinched her
- He bit her.
- He scratched her.
- He twisted her nipple.
- He pulled her hair.
- The penetration was too rough.
- He squeezed her breasts too hard.
- He said something offensive.
- I can think of many things that would fit here. Some people say things they don’t mean. Or it comes out the wrong way. A lot can be forgiven and chalked up to nerves. Like yesterday, I met a cute man from the Midwest who didn’t drink, didn’t smoke, had lost over fifty pounds in the last two years by taking up running and I said, “You have no bad habits. You live such a clean life.” And he responded by looking around my room and saying, “This isn’t a very clean habit though.” As soon as he said it, he turned red and I could tell he regretted it. (My room is spotless!) I tickled him to death as punishment. Handy Man Bill put him in the rose garden.
- But other things are not acceptable and it is up to each woman to decide what she will tolerate. Once, someone asked if we could play Concentration Camp and if I would shout “Heil Hitler” while he fucked me from behind. I’m a friend of the tribe, and that is not funny to me. Bill, get the shovel.
Although we work hard to make a visit to Sheri’s something customers will NEVER forget because it boggled the mind and the body, we will end a party if things go wrong. No refunds. No exceptions. In the years I’ve been working here, I’ve never ended a party early. Although I can think of twice when I should have. Both happened my first year when I didn’t know better. Both instances had two things in common:
- Wealthy men used to getting what they want.
- Both objected to a latex barrier.
The first was a handsome man in his fifties from Texas, working at the Tar Sands in Canada. I should have known this would be a bad fit since I am a tree hugging freak. He was quiet, said almost nothing, didn’t smile, and I thought, well, he seems a little weird but he’s probably just nervous.
People usually are what they seem to be. This proves itself over and over again at Sheri’s. If he seems affectionate, he is affectionate. If he seems open-hearted, he is open-hearted. If he cracks a joke in the first minute, he will make me laugh again, guaranteed. Everyone who comes here is nervous, but their underlying personality always comes through right away.
The Tar Sands guy seemed full of disdain. And he was. After I took his money, and the party started, he asked if I would perform fellatio without a condom. I said no and explained why it was dangerous. I’m eager to talk about STDs. After my speech, I cheerfully carried on with the condom in place. He told me to stop. He said prostitutes in Canada are always willing to perform fellatio without a condom. I asked what that had to do with me. He got angry. I made a joke. I told him I was sorry. I explained again why it isn’t a good idea to perform or receive fellatio without a condom. He said he wasn’t worried about it. I said I was. He got angry again.
My main memory is of his unsmiling face.
I kept saying funny things, trying to be goofy, laughing and smiling myself. But I couldn’t get him to respond. I asked if he would like a massage or if there was anything else I could do. He said no. We sat in awkward silence. I asked him about his job. He said one or two things. I started to get mad. He said, “Well, you drive a car don’t you? Where do you think the gas comes from, dumb-ass.”
“I drive a Prius! And I ride my bike and walk. And I got a A in Organic Chemistry! I may be an ass, but I’m not a dumb-ass.”
We walked back down the hall. I tried to be nice. “I hope you come back to Sheri’s. We want you to. Blah blah blah.” Trying to be a good worker bee.
He said, “Probably not. It’s not worth the money.”
Years later, I’m still upset when I think about this. Of course, now I would handle it differently. I would call Handy Man Bill in the first five minutes and together we would cart Mr. Tar Sands out to the rose garden in the wheelbarrow. Dear Potential Rude Customer, take a look at Sheri’s rose garden. Wonder why it’s so beautiful?
The second is a similar story. Another wealthy man in his fifties. Except this one was chubby and spoke with a lisp. When he found out I wouldn’t allow him to perform cunnilingus without a dental dam he threw a fit. Told me he does it all the time with other women at Sheri’s and no one else has ever refused. I know this was a lie. He said it’s the only thing he enjoys since his penis doesn’t get hard. He stomped his feet like a five-year-old. Again, I tried to explain, crack jokes, and say sweet things. Again, I offered a massage. But I refused to do what he wanted.
When I took him back to the parlor at the agreed upon time, he complained to the hostess. Told her he had a bad party. I felt like a failure.
I haven’t had an experience like that since. If a man doesn’t seem like a sweetheart in the very first instant, I trust my instincts and don’t invite him back to my room. 99.9% of the men and women who come to Sheri’s are generous, loving, expressive, eager-to-please-and-be-pleased, a little scared and awkward, but good-hearted. Once in a blue moon someone comes along who behaves badly. And they get a short party, a lighter wallet, and an escort from Bill the Handy Man. No amount of nasty reviews on the forum will change the beauty of our rose garden.