Being out of sync is the worst with new lovers.

If you don’t know each other well enough to laugh about it, here’s some advice:

  1. If she is on top, pay attention to the rhythm she’s using. Don’t move unless you can move to her rhythm, otherwise, you may throw her off. One, two, three… one, two, three…
  2. If it seems like she needs a minute to get her rhythm down, be still. Let her do her thing.
  3. Don’t try to hold her knees or body up — instead of helping, you’re probably hindering her movement. If it seems like she’s getting tired, ask if she wants you to take over. Have her hold her body still while she remains on top, and you move gently and slowly up into her. She can brace herself on the wall or the headboard. If you move with a slow enough rhythm, she can easily join in, by sitting down, or gently bouncing. If you go too fast, there’s no way she can keep up and she’s probably annoyed.
  4. In my experience, men usually go too fast at first. A fast pace is great at the end when both of you are close to climax but ease into it. Let her open up slowly.
  5. If you are on top, start by moving your body in a slow, gentle, rhythmic way. One, two, three… consistent. Don’t vary the rhythm too much, it’s distracting. Slow, fast, slow, jack-hammer, slow, stir the cocktail, fast, slow: annoying. Pick a rhythm and stick with it.
  6. Feel it. Then, gently, slowly, increase the pace. Pay attention to the way she’s moving. Try to match your movements with hers. If she’s slowly griding on you, slowly and gently grind back at her pace. When her breathing gets faster, increase the rhythm slightly.
  7. Talk to her. Be specific. “Is this fast enough?” “Do you want it slower?” “Do you want it faster?”

If you don’t have confidence in your rhythm (white boy dance) – be still, feel her, and then try to move with her.